So, yes, I turned 30 years old yesterday. Still seems very strange to me. I am 30...what does that mean? Does this mean I am old? Am I still considered young? How might a 30 year old child act?
I have always had a very good memory. I can remember being in about 4th or 5th grade and looking at the young adults in my home church and thinking, "Man, they are so cool and also old. I'll never be like them." Oddly enough, I still feel that way. How can I classify myself as "middle-aged" when I can still remember the layout of my kindergarted classroom, still recall how proud I was to be allowed to walk to school for the first time without my parents (not alone, but with Courtney), still remember how nervous I was for my first cross country meet in junior high (no type-o there, it really was a junior high, not a middle school) and how old that school smelled and how much I loved being there. Am I really thirty? Can you be old if you don't feel old?
I was having a rough time during the approach to this day. Am I really who I want to be at this milestone in my life? Am I proud of what I've become? What do I have to show for thirty years of life? I'd joke and say,"well, the alternative is death, so I guess I'll be fine with turning 30." I realized later what a crappy attitude this was. My newly diagnosed case of pneumonia helped me to that realization. Now, I'm no hypochondriac, but I belive the Lord was saying to me, Erin, I really could let you go. Pneumonia does kill a lot of people and I don't in any way believe I have that kind of pneumonia, but it was a subtle reminder that my life really is but a vapor and I should be thankful for the blessed life I have been given and not crap up the occasion with sarcastic discontentment.
What is a life and how can it's value be measured? More specifically, what has my life consisted of and what value do I contribute to life as it is? This is what I am thinking of on the tailcoats of my by 3-0. (By the way, today is my husband's birthday so call him and tell him happy birthday) My wish is to be less sarcastic, more compassionate, and more disciplined. Keep me accountable to this all of you out in cyperspace.
2 comments:
Erin, I just love reading your posts! You really have a gift of writing what's on your heart. I am so proud to call you my friend and will be looking for adviece on turning 30 soon.
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Rhianna
How's the less sarcastic, more compassionate, and more disciplined coming? You said to ask, so I thought I would follow up. Knowing our smart-alec personalities, it may be more challenging than once thought but I'm sure you're doing great. How are you guys doing?
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